Some kids are naturally more quiet and introverted than others. And that’s not always a bad thing. In fact, quieter kids can often grow up to be more independent, creative and better at listening to others.
Quietness can however become a problem if kids are afraid to talk to anyone and refuse to make friends. Socialising is important for our mental health - not only does it stop us getting lonely, but it exercises the brain and sharpens our cognitive skills. Those with social skills also tend to be more successful as they get older - many golden opportunities in life are only discovered by talking to people.
By encouraging your kids to be social at an early age, you can therefore help your kids to be mentally healthier and more successful as they get older. But just how do you teach a shy kid to be more social? This post lists a few steps you can take.
Avoid negative labels
Labelling kids as ‘quiet’, ‘shy’ and ‘awkward’ only makes them less confident in social situations. This is because it makes them more conscious of it and can lead to them to fear social situations in the belief that they won’t be able to cope. You should particularly avoid introducing your child as ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ to new people. Instead, don’t address that there is a problem at all if you can.
Build up their confidence
Many kids are quiet because they lack self-confidence and fear being criticised. Make sure that you are not constantly putting down your child and instead make an active effort to build them up. Remind them of their strengths and make them proud of the things that make them unique. This will make your child less afraid of approaching people by giving them the confidence to stand up for themselves and inspire others.
Plan frequent playdates
Kids can only develop social skills by being regularly exposed to social situations. Try to plan playdates with any existing friends they have - this could involve getting to know their parents. If you have family members or friends that have kids, you can also meet up with them and encourage your kids to mingle. The more your kids regularly socialise with other kids, the more normal it will become.
Set social challenges
You can also encourage kids to be more social by setting challenges. This could include Find Someone Who games, in which kids have to find someone with a certain interest/experience (this back to school Find Someone Who editable activity pack offers a few examples). These social challenges can help give kids a reason to talk to kids they wouldn’t otherwise talk to.
Role play social situations
A great way to teach your kids how to behave in certain social situations is to role play them through pretend play games. You can play pretend school games and use toys as other students - acting out various situations like dealing with a class bully or struggling with class work, and teaching kids how to react. Of course, you can add humour in there too to who what not to do!
Help kids to introduce themselves
While you can help kids to be social by introducing them to other kids yourself, you should also help kids how to introduce themselves to kids without your intervention. This could include giving them a script to help them such as ‘would you like to play with me’ or ‘my name is ___. Can we be friends?’. You can come with them to provide support if they need it, but try to get them to speak for themselves. Obviously, you’ll need to think of more elaborate openers for older kids and should let them introduce themselves without you being there so as not to embarrass them.
Be a good role model
Kids often learn how to act in social situations by watching their parents. If you’re quiet and standoffish in social situations, your kids will not be motivated to be any different. Make an effort to be social yourself and show kids how to introduce themselves and how to find common ground. Make sure that you’re not avoiding social situations such as kids’ parties or family events - embrace the opportunity to be social and allow your kids the same opportunity.
Conclusion
There are many ways in which kids can be taught to be more social. The best way to encourage socialisation is to help put your kids in social situations while constantly building up their confidence and leading by example.
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